Proof Of God - Contemplating Suicide

Proof The Bible is True

Proof Of God

Contemplating Suicide

      Suicide is a very sensitive area of discussion but this blog will be based on my own personal experience dealing with depression, thoughts of suicide, and how even the worst of what happened to me was proof of God. I know what some of you are thinking, "How does a hard life, chronic depression, and thoughts of suicide show proof of God?" Well believe it or not the struggles I went through did not come about as a result of a relationship between me and God, but instead was a sign that God was closer to me than I ever knew. 

      Ever since I was 3 years old I believed in the Gospel and the existence of God. I was raised that way of course, but the feelings I had for God were all my own. I was very enthusiastic about spreading the word of the Gospel and the knowledge of God. I personally did not need proof of God or proof the Bible is true to believe in the Gospel because I felt God was real with my body and soul. However many things were going to happen in my life that started to change the dynamics of my relationship with God. 

      When I turned 5 years old I started to go through what I call, "The Job Trials." For those of you that may not know: Job is the oldest book of the Gospel that was placed in the Bible (Yes older than Genesis). Job was one of the most wealthiest individuals born in B.C. (B.efore C.hrist) Although he was what you considered Muslim and only called God "Allah" it is no doubt that he believed in "Yahweh." You must remember that the Book of Job was written before the first five mosaic books of the Gospel, therefore Job was written before Allah told Moses that His name is "Yaweh" (I AM), But I have digressed. 

      Job loved God with all of his heart body and soul and did no wrong in Gods eyes. One day the Devil went up to the gates of Heaven with some other angels and basically asked God to take a look at all of the evil man was doing. The devil came there to gloat over God because he had turned Gods most precious creation against Him and as I assume to urge God to destroy mankind. God responded to the devil by pointing out Job and the Love Job had for Him. God and the devil set a wager on the soul of Job, allowing the devil to torment Job both physically and mentally, but the devil was not allowed to take the life of Job. The devil tried his hardest to make Job curse God and take his own life. Job  lost his kids, wealth, and his health. Job cursed the day he was born, asked God to kill him, and begged God to reconsider his suffering. In the end Job did not take his life and he did not curse God, as a reward Job kept his his ticket to Heaven and was given back all that he had lost times ten. 

      The Job Trials is a time in the lives of certain people where God wants you so badly or you are so close to God that it attracts the attention of negative forces. When I was 4 years of age there was something different about me than other kids my age. I read the bible a lot (mostly Proverbs) and carried the gospel with me everywhere I went just in case someone needed to be saved by the Lord. I felt it was my duty to send as many people to heaven as possible. By the time I had turned 5yrs of age I had already successfully converted 6 people to Christ, But without warning my life started to get very hard. I was called a nerd, and I was bullied a lot. I even tried to turn the other cheek as people would want to fight me just because I was known as the Kid who didn't fight. Growing up in East Oakland California was hard even at that young age. I started to lean away from God and started to become more worldly but I did not lose faith that
God was real. Although strange circumstance continued to cause pain in my life I held tight to my beliefs. When I turned 14yrs of age I once again had become closer to God. I could feel God all around me and praised His name and glory, and power. But once again my life did a 180. 

      Everything I prayed for It seemed as if God did the opposite to me. Everything i thanked Him for was taken away. It would happen not but minutes or hours after praying or praising the Lord. I was so mentally hurt that all I had was the belief that God was going to bless me in the end. The only worldly possession I had left was my bike and I  I tried to thank the lord for keeping my bike safe and allowing me to get an interview so that i could get a summer job. Not but one hour after thanking God for that I was hit by a dually pick up truck. I wasn't hurt and the driver drove off without even seeing if I was alright. Thank God I wasn't hurt but my bike was bent so bad I couldn't even ride it to the interview and had to leave it. I made it to the interview but the manager informed me that he was not going to be able to hire me due to my age. 

      Out of fear I was scared to pray to God and felt heart broken over what was happening to me. I didn't want to pray and I didn't want anybody praying for me but a close friend of mine thought it was all in my imagination and took upon herself to pray for me anyway. She wanted to prove that God would not allow such things to happen to me just because I prayed or was prayed for so she decided to pray for something she thought would not happen to me. She prayed that God would keep me safe from all harm and unseen danger, she prayed that no one would try to bring harm to me. Later that day I was jumped by 15 older guys. they tried to stomp me to death and kicked me in the mouth with steel toe boots. Despite it happening on a main street with at least a hundred eye witnesses no one tried to help me for at least 10 minutes, and in a fight (especially while you are being jumped to death) 10 minutes is a really long time. I tried to fight back and got some of them really good but the power of there numbers overwhelmed me. Only one person stepped in holding a razor blade to save me. 

      As the years went by the strange and supernatural things that happened to me once I got closer to the Lord, tore my mind apart, I even started to believe that God used evolution to create the universe. I doubted that God loved me by the time I was in my mid twenties and wondered why God even allowed my birth if He hated me so. I never cursed God but the thought that God didn't love me was enough to make me want to take my own life. But when I started to look back at my trials and how unusually difficult my life was it made me realize that there is definitely a God and He is in control of both the Good and the Bad. Even if the devil heard my prayers and attacked me, it was allowed by God. The bad things that happened to me were so unusual to me that they stood out as if they were done by a supernatural force. 

      I started learning Christian Apologetics in order to gain my proof God is real and proof the Bible is true. I started learning more about science and world history which only brought me closer to the Gospel. Strange things still continued to happen, but after I beat the urge to take my life I began to get stronger. My spiritual strength and far beyond that of someone who had an easy life. The power God gave me now allows me to thrive, and overcome obstacles. What would normally crush a mans will to live has no affect on me now. 

      My morals and honor are intact and if God wanted to use my life as a testimony to His glory wither it be to defeat the devil or to prove my Lord right then so Be IT!! My life is but dust in the wind and tomorrow is not promised to me but I believe with all of my heart that God is real and let my pain and suffering be proof of God. NO MATTER HOW HE SLAY ME EVER SHALL I PRAISE HIM!! Life cannot beat me for it would have to beat the one that lives inside of me and the one who lives inside of me is bigger than life itself. If God were to command me to lay down my life then I will, but I will not take it of my own accord. Lord has removed my fear of death and allowed me to see the world differently from how most do. It is a gift from God for surviving the trials. I now see the worlds system for what it is and it discuss me. The material lust and the nastiness of our flesh and minds makes me sick. God didn't fell us we felled Him. We are scum and filth compared to God and we should all have been destroyed for our sins but God died in our place that our souls would not be destroyed. I am ever thankful and like Job, my  God may use my life as he sees fit! Like Job, Let my life and my pain be an example of why God spared Man.

If you like Christian Apologetics or would like to learn lots of interesting facts about the Gospel, make sure you check out the book "Master Science" by Meek Godmanseed. The book is sure to have you glued to the pages and present the gospel in a way that was not done before. If you would like a FREE COPY of this mind blowing book just go to the official website http://www.masterscience.webs.com